


I Don't Wanna Worry You

by hanabi5



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, F/F, Fainting, Graphic Panic Attack, Graphic Suicide, HUGE TRIGGER(S) WARNING, Heavy Angst, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Triggers, Worry, pls read the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 17:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16371563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanabi5/pseuds/hanabi5
Summary: HUGE TRIGGERS! PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND BE SAFE!





	I Don't Wanna Worry You

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was really inspired by my life. Most of Yuzu's thoughts were/are mine. No, I have never really considered killing myself, but I did think about it. Anyway, writing this helped me somehow, so... there it is. If anyone needs to talk, just leave a comment with your instagram/twitter/tumblr adress and I'll message you. Stay safe♥︎
> 
> ps: I didn't read it again before posting. Sorry if there are any mistakes.

“Yuzu?” Mei called.

“Yeah?” She answered, suddenly getting back to reality. Her mind, just like as always, wouldn't shut up; she didn't get any sleep on the past night beacuse of that. 

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” The raven girl asked, concerned.

She sighed. “I'm not hungry.” The blonde said, using her fork to play with the food on her plate. Her stomach complained, as it begged for some food. But the truth was that she actually liked it. Feeling the emptiness of her stomach, the bruises easily formed on her skin and how proud she felt after a whole day without eating. Feeling like she was the one in control. That feeling was priceless to her. To her, no food tasted better than this feeling, so...

_It was all worth it, right?_

She didn’t deserve food anyway. She knew she was already underweight, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to be thinner. _It was not enough._

“Yuzu, you didn't eat breakfast and ate almost nothing during lunch. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes, it's just... a stomachache.”

It wasn't. The girl hadn't eat almost anything for two days straight; no matter how she wanted to stop worrying Mei, she couldn't. She would stop it one day. She didn't know when, but she would. Or so she thought.

“I'm going to take a bath.” Yuzu said, getting up.

”But you haven't eaten any... Yuzu? YUZU!”

\-------------------------

A dark place, some inaudible sounds, pain all over her weak body and bones. That's what Yuzu felt in a split second, before awakening.

“Hey... Can you hear me?”

Yuzu opened her eyes, seeing double vision for a moment before her vision adjusted. The cold floor made her shiver, and she wondered how she got there.

“W-What happened?” She asked.

“You fainted.” Mei answered, grabbing a glass of water.

Yuzu, then, remembered: her vision went black and she felt numb, loosing consciousness.

_”Ah, so that’s what happened...”_

“Sit slowly and drink this. It will help you.” The raven said.

Yuzu nodded, still dizzy. After drinking, her girlfriend helped her to sit on the sofa, carefully. 

“I’m going to bring something for you to eat , okay? You can't stay like this, even if your your stomach is upset.”

Yuzu sighed.

"I was doing fine, why did I have to faint? I'm just so useless. And a bother to Mei." The girl thought.

“Here.” Mei said, handing her some cookies. “They may not be really nutritious, but they will do just fine.”

“Ah... Thanks.”

A few seconds passed, and Yuzu stared at the cookie she grabbed. Tears started to roll down her cheeks; she couldn't do it, after all.

“Yuzu...?”

“Mei, I...” She started. “I can't!”

Yuzu cried. She screamed. She sobbed. She felt dizzy again, but this time, it was because of her anxiety. Her mind went black and full of thoughts at the same time. Her heart beated so fast that it hurted. Her hands shaked, and she couldn't breathe; "I'm having a panic attack again", she realized.

Mei hugged her girlfriend tight, calmed her down with gentle words. Meanwhile, the blonde gripped the raven's blouse, wishing she could magically dissappear from there. After ten, maybe fifteen minutes, she managed to stay more calm.

Yuzu took a deep breath, by Mei's instruction. After another couple of minutes, Mei finally asked:

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I... I'm sorry for worrying you.” She said.

“That's not what I asked you.” She said, kindly. “I want to help you. What is wrong?”

The older girl looked at her in the eyes. "Everything", she thought. "I'm a mistake who shouldn't be alive."

“Yuzu, I’m not dumb. I think I know what is going on. You haven’t been eating regularly for what, a month already? Just tell me, is your stomach really upset or did you say that for other reason?”

“I...I lied.”

“Why?”

The girl remained silent.

“If you don't want to talk about it now, I understand. But we do need to talk about it, soon or later. I care about you, after all. So does mom, dad, your friends...”

Yuzu smiled, sadly.

“I'm sorry for worrying everyone. I really am a burden, huh?”

“That's not what I meant!” Mei immediately said.

“It's okay. I'm going to take a bath.”

“I'm helping you.”

“Thank you, but I can do it by myself.” She answered, but Mei still seemed too worried to let her go by herself. “I'm going to be fine. I'll call you if I need. I... I love you.”

Yuzu walked silently to the bathroom, leaving a speechless Mei in the living room.

\--------------------------

Mei was checking Yuzu almost every minute. She knocked at the door, and Yuzu would answer her right away.

“Yuzu, are you okay?” She asked for the fourth time.

No answer.

“Yuzu?” She asked louder.

Still no answer.

“Yuzu?” The girl asked one more time, finally opening the door.

_A bloody bathtub._

__

A bloody razor.

__

Two bloody, slit wrists and forearms.

__

_That's what Mei saw._

Shaking, she screamed. She tried to get an answer from the other girl, but the blonde was unconscious. The cut was too deep to survive without immediately help.

"Now you can be happy, Mei."

"You and everyone else that I love."

_"Happy without me."_


End file.
